tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729698187302014391.post7363438423021867610..comments2023-09-25T09:17:36.275-07:00Comments on <center>Adventures of a (not so) Cheap Social Worker</center>: Reflections from a Wounded Tiger ChildCheap Social Workerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08985504460374894779noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729698187302014391.post-42134237382261405962013-05-09T20:05:56.211-07:002013-05-09T20:05:56.211-07:00I wish I could relate to you, but I can't. My ...I wish I could relate to you, but I can't. My asian parents are stupid,all they want to do is party. I had to discipline myself to get into harvard and then to medical school. My asian parents hated me because I'm too "perfect" they try everything to get me kicked out of medical school. They wanted me to do something in the arts department instead. Do you know how much I would kill to have strict asian parents that will teach me good values. My parents are nothing but partyers, alcoholic, and smoker. It's like living in a fraternity house. As of right now I just finish second year of medical school and studying for a big exam. i can't go home or else my dad will make sure I fail everything. They are disappointed because i refuse to be an artist.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729698187302014391.post-36834643115366989302011-01-24T09:05:36.184-08:002011-01-24T09:05:36.184-08:00What a courageous piece! I'm glad you waited u...What a courageous piece! I'm glad you waited until you felt you had something unique to contribute to the Chua-Brouhaha, and you did indeed.<br><br>It's funny you talked about being obedient and passive - I was exactly that in elementary, middle, and high school and many of my teachers liked me because of this. <br><br>My parents were nowhere near the extreme ways Chua had been with her daughters, but it was enough to make me "crack" as I entered adolescence, and certainly during college years was when my clinical depression was like a "full-on-flaming flu". I remembered sleeping for hours during the day, locking myself in the room, not going to classes for days or weeks at a time, etc. It was like I was hit by a truck, the way people described the flu, only I was hit by the depression truck and I didn't know how to pick up the pieces.<br><br>I don't discount Chua's efforts with her daughters, the time she had spent personally with them is an example of "what to do" but how she got her message across was an example of "what not to do" as she had admitted herself in {insert all post-WSJ media outlets}.<br><br>Still, I can't reconcile this style pf parenting as anything less than ideal, especially considering that we have wisdom of the sages like Lao Tzu to draw from (I've written about this on my blog about what "ideal" parenting is truly about, based on Lao Tzu's take on the "best" leaders). <br><br>Chua's attitude and approach of immediately juxtaposing her way with the horrors of wussy American parenting is an example of "extremism".<br><br>It discounts the real pain that many children who have grown up under these circumstances feel, and is plain opportunistic and that is another reason why people are so disgusted with the "intellectual elite" - whether you are Chinese, American, American Born Chinese, or whatever.Jane Chin, Ph.D.http://www.blogger.com/profile/01685350970747807419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729698187302014391.post-23710745457680763372011-01-27T19:27:00.197-08:002011-01-27T19:27:00.197-08:00Dr. Jane Chin, love and agree to your comment! Ms...Dr. Jane Chin, love and agree to your comment! Ms. CheapSocialWorker, love your post as well!<br><br>I am not Chinese, or at least not 100%, but my mother was pretty much like how Chua described how a mother/parent should be. But not exactly.<br><br>And that's our problem - we three can't make a case against Chua, because we were not raised in full accordance to her tiger mother principles!<br><br>And it did not help that we all probably grew up in a highly Western-aware world. But, the pain is there. I am an engineer for life, because that's what my mother had really wanted, never mind that she is so proud I know how to play the piano and guitar. I too wanted to be in music, or at least in computer programming. My mother had also "billed" me a number of times for all expenses she has incurred in raising me up - but now she just expects we will babysit her and shower her with all the things she wants when she turns 65. I personally would love to do that to someone who has treated me really well, which means someone who hasn't shouted a lot at me beyond just simply providing for my daily needs because is that not what a parent should do? And I would love to do that if she had raised us with enough self-confidence and skills to become independent entrepreneurs. But that's now how I view my mother. Difficult as it is for her being a single parent, for me now the best payback I can make is to raise my children better than I have been raised. (I guess my dad was more like the "ethnic Filipino" that Amy Chua is also so angry against, and so the strong person that my mother is, she asked him to leave our home - which she owned out of inheritance from her mother, our grandmother.) But sure, if I do become really financially successful which I am working hard on now (and might have to until I turn 65), I can take care of her.<br><br>Anyway, Ms. CheapSocialWorker, I think you can still be a musician, if you really want to. This is probably my mother talking, but indeed, there are pilots and doctors and engineers out there who are band members by night. As for me, I continuously play guitar and write songs, and post them online somewhere. That's thrilling enough for me. But that's just me. <br><br>I don't know about your work, but engineering - if there's one thing I don't like most about it, it's that it is so time-demanding. On very busy days, I don't have time for music, social life, enough rest, and well, what I think now is more rewarding work: entrepreneurship. But then again, maybe I just really don't yet have the skills necessary for that. We'll see.Ronjie Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00572901818932562788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729698187302014391.post-42468812251515169642011-01-27T19:30:53.728-08:002011-01-27T19:30:53.728-08:00P.S. You said "I've written about this on...P.S. You said "I've written about this on my blog about what 'ideal' parenting is truly about, based on Lao Tzu's take on the 'best' leaders." Can you point me please in the right direction as to which blog article you are referring to? And which book about such teachings from Lao Tzu would you recommend for reading? Very interested.Ronjie Aquinohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00572901818932562788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7729698187302014391.post-58526533432841217342011-02-19T16:56:03.498-08:002011-02-19T16:56:03.498-08:00Dr. Chin, thank you for your kind words. Everythi...Dr. Chin, thank you for your kind words. Everything you said in your comment definitely resonates with me, especially your description of being hit by the depression truck. I hope that as more people come out with their experiences with this type of parenting, more people will realize the damage it can cause children in the long-run. These subjective forms of "success" can have a lifetime of consequences.<br><br>Ronjie, thank you for taking the time to visit my blog! Indeed, I feel that oftentimes parents forget that it was their choice to have children and raise them to the best of their ability. If a child chooses to assist a parent as an adult, it should be out of love, not guilt. I personally find it unsettling that a parent would "bill" their child for fulfilling responsibilities that come with the decision to have children. Then again, caring for parents in their old age is a cultural value adhered to and unquestioned by many families. I wish you the best of luck with your mother, and definitely know what you mean when you say you will raise your children better!cheapsocialworkernoreply@blogger.com